Play Some Phil Collins and Split My Head with An Axe Amerian Psycho getting a Remake

This news made me want to go Uncle Leo from Seinfeld and scream "STOP THE SHOW!"

Since it is the season of giving, Hollywood has decided to shove a Michael Moore sized piece of coal right up American moviegoers collective asses. In a move more inexplicable than Herman Cain quoting from The Pokemon Movie, the geniuses in LALA land are going to remake (reboot? repent? repuke? who knows what the terminology is anymore?) the 2000 classic American Psycho.

Now granted this is nothing new for movie studios. Hollywood subjects cinema fans to remakes on a yearly basis. I'm not one to lament and say "there are no original ideas in Hollywood anymore" because the whole sentiment is played out. Anybody who's a real movie fanatic knows this, so why bemoan it?

Well at the risk of being hypocritical I'm going to bemoan this decision. Let me be very clear: THERE IS NO REASON TO REMAKE THIS FILM. The only films that should ever be remade are movies that were marginal or had little success at the box office; i.e. Inglorious Basterds. American Psycho was the film that catapulted Christian Bale into the public eye. Before his epic portrayal of psychopath Patrick Bateman in the 2000 film, Bale was known as the guy in Newsies or Laure from Little Women. After that the floodgates opened for Bale and today he is one of the biggest moviestars in Hollywood.

Putting aside the iconic role of Bale, American Psycho is an excellent dark comedy that captures the greed and "me generation" of the 1980s. Many thought the Bret Easton Ellis novel* could never be converted to the big screen, but director Mary Harron (Pet Semetary) did a masterful job of bringing Ellis's work to life. After American Psycho I've never been able to listen Huey Lewis and the News's "Hip to be Square" or Phil Collins "Pseuseudeo" in the same way.

Noble Jones, an apparent protege of David Fincher, is set to write and direct the remake. Look I love Fincher and his films, however this film inevitably sets up Jones for failure. Recreating iconic movie characters, especially ones where the original portrayal was amazing, is damn near impossible. Instances such as Jeff Bridges portrayal of Rooster Cogburn in True Grit (the original film starred John Wayne in an Oscar winning performance) are rarer than an honest politician. Bottom line: NO ONE will top Bale's portrayal of Patrick Bateman.

The only consolation that I can take away from this is that the film is still in the early stages. That means the film could be nixed. No studio is attached right now and no one has been cast. Although I won't be surprised if the brain trust in Hollywood decides to have Zac Efron or Robert Pattinson take the role. That would just be the feces coated cherry on this movie manure sundae.

*Incidentally the American Psycho novel is the only book I've liked that I actually thought about not finishing. It was THAT disturbing.