If this remake hits 88mph you're gonna see me flip some serious shit

To quote Popeye "This is all I can stands and I can't stands no more!"
Hollywood cranks out remakes like Eagles coach Andy Reid goes through bear claws. Some of them are good, most are bad, and a few are average. If Hollywood wants to rehash the same old same old then that's their choice. Most days I could care less.
Unless you mess with my 80s classics. Touch them and I go Lou Ferrigno and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry. Maybe it's because I came of age in the decade and many of the films are near and dear to my heart. Mostly though it's because most of the 80s classics are good movies. Think about it: The Goonies, Ghostbusters, E.T., The Breakfast Club, The Empire Strikes Back, The Return of the Jedi, Three O'Clock High, The Karate Kid, Predator....the list just goes on and on. Why would anyone conceivably want to remake these movies aside from a quick cash grab?
There are very few movies I refuse to see outright without giving them a chance. The Hostel movies and The Human Centipede fall into this category. I just have no interest in seeing them. Another one I will never see is the remake of The Karate Kid.
Let's see it's set in China, it involves Kung-Fu not karate, it has Jaden Smith in the lead role, and Jackie Chan in the Mr. Miyagi role. To that I say fuck you Daniel-san. The Karate Kid is an 80s classic that never should have been remade and certainly did not deserve the drastic changes that studio execs put on the film.
And now...oh now...they are talking about remaking one of my ten top favorite films ever, Back to the Future. Apparently directors of the forthcoming American Reunion Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg, just inked a two year deal with Universal that gives them the right to peruse Universal's old titles and propose remakes. When "Moviehole" asked the duo what film they might want to tackle they both said Back to the Future. To be fair they said that any remake would be far off and Bob Gale, Robert Zemeckis, and Steven Spielberg still retain the rights. However, knowing how Hollywood works I can see some coked up troglodyte convincing the studios to do this film.
My response to this can perhaps be best explained by paraphrasing Brad Pitt in Fight Club:

The first rule of remakes is you do not remake Back to the Future.
The second rule of remakes is: YOU DO NOT REMAKE BACK TO THE FUTURE.

Apox on your houses Universal for even considering this notion and letting these asshats flap their gums. You better quell this garbage now before I shove a Biff Tannen sized boot up your collective asses.

Come pillage and plunder with Attila the Hun

For a historical figure who's empire once spanned almost all of Asia and parts of Europe, Attila the Hun has received little play on the big screen. That's going to change if screenwriter Nicholas Schoenfeld* has anything to say about it.
"Deadline" reports that Warner Bros. has picked up Schoenfeld's script based on the fifth century warrior. The film, titled simply Attila, will portray the conqueror's life as tragically romantic. Interesting considering Attila was quite the vicious and blood thirsty character. You kind of have to look at the times too where life came a lot cheaper I guess.
The project is in the very early stages of pre-production, but I can see this becoming a massive historical epic in the vein of Braveheart. Let's just hope Dwayne Johnson isn't cast in the title role.

*Schoenfeld also has a movie coming out called Lady of Blood and Fury that reinterprets Macbeth with Lady Macbeth being in the lead. Now that sounds pretty awesome.

Captain America 2 director prospects down to 3

I've never been a huge fan of Captain America. The idea always seemed kind of ridiculous to me. I went into last year's film with zero expectations and while it wasn't mind blowing it was certainly a satisfying film. At the time I also had the privilege to sit with a co-worker whose enthusiasm for Captain America is unparalleled. He loved it. His main concern, as is the case for many iconic fictional heroes brought to the big screen, was would the director's vision reflect the fans' vision. Director Joe Johnston passed that litmus test with flying colors.

With the release of The Avengers just over a month away and Iron Man 3 just starting principal photography, it's not surprising that Marvel Studios is pushing for a Captain America sequel. The jury is still out on who will helm the followup to the 2011 film, however according to "Vulture" the studios have narrowed it down to F. Gary Gray, George Nolfi, and duo Anthony and Joseph Russo.

So that means you have a person who directed Friday, a person who directed The Adjustment Bureau, and two people who directed episodes of "Community" and You, Me, and Dupree. You'll pardon me if I don't faint in excitement. It seems to me that these are three very weak choices. The first and third choices are comedy-centric directors and this is a comic book action movie. Apparently, Kevin Feige, Marvel Studios president of production, is a big "vibe" guy and feels that these are the right choices. Um excuse me but doesn't it stand to reason that the president of a major movie production studio should be making their decisions based on the director's history and if they are right for the project? Don't get me wrong I think gut instinct is a key part, but you shouldn't base all decisions on "vibes." I'm sure people had good vibes about Bernie Madoff and look how that turned out.

The other thing that puzzles me is where is Joe Johnston in all this? Captain America made over $368.5 million worldwide last year. He had to have been doing something right. Maybe he's disinterested in the project. I hope it's not a studio thing. Either way I don't have any real emotional investment in the director for the Captain America sequel, I just hope this isn't indicative of how Marvel Studios plans to run things going forward.

Further Proof the Mayans are correct--Twins sequel coming our way

Only one day after I do a post about how Hollywood is missing the boat with a Ted Williams biopic and are content to go with "same tired old crap," news from "The Hollywood Reporter" goes and proves me right. News broke today that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito have signed on to do a sequel to the 1988 Ivan Reitman film Twins*. The title will be...wait for it...Triplets. And who might you ask is the third brother? Why none other than Eddie Murphy. I guess in a world where it somehow makes sense to movie execs to ponder, let alone green light a sequel to Twins, the choice of Eddie Murphy makes some kind of weird...nah. I can't do it. It still makes no sense.

I loved Twins between the ages of ten to thirteen. The Arnie "fish out of water" story was entertaining and Kelly Preston was SMOKIN hot. Then I took a biology class and realized how ridiculous the plot of the movie was. And guess what? Twenty four years later the movie doesn't hold up. Shocking!

"The Hollywood Reporter" also states that Ivan Reitman will return to the project but only as a producer. No word yet on a director and there is still no script. I'm sure the screenplay will include plenty of heavy dialogue for Arnie like "Stick around!" and "And I say no!" and "Eddie get to the choppa!'" and "You blew my cover" and "GRAAHHHAAAHHHA!!!" This probably goes without saying but I hope this project stays at the deepest level of development hell.

*Can a Junior sequel be far behind?

Jack is back!! Chris Pine set to Tom Clancy's fictional hero Jack Ryan with Kenneth Branagh to direct

It's been a while since we've heard any news on the new Jack Ryan film. Tom Clancy's Irish-American uber patriot has been portrayed on screen by Alec Baldwin (The Hunt for Red October), Ben Affleck (The Sum of all Fears) and most notably by Harrison Ford (Patriot Games, Clear and Present Danger). And apparently it's time for a fourth actor to step into the coveted role.

None other than the young Captain James T. Kirk himself, Mr. Chris Pine will play the starring role in the upcoming movie.

The film, currently untitled, will also be directed by Shakespeare vet and recent Academy Award nominee (My Week With Marilyn) Kenneth Branagh*, according to "Variety." Branagh takes over for director Jack Bender, who had to vacate the director's chair due to the often highly touted excuse "scheduling conflicts."

Tenured screen writer David Koepp just finished the most recent draft of the script. No word on the plot or what novel or novels the latest Jack Ryan film will draw from. Pine is currently shooting the sequel to 2009's Star Trek. Filming should begin shortly after that.

*From Shakespeare to Thor to Jack Ryan. You can't say Branagh (who's mostly known for Shakespeare and Indie work) isn't broadening his horizons.

Chloe Moretz to be the next Carrie?

Considering what a huge Stephen King fan* I am, I had absolutely no idea that Hollywood was doing a remake of Carrie**. The iconic 1976 horror classic based on Stephen King's first novel starred Sissy Spacek and taught audiences the consequences of effing with the weird mousey girl. (I.E. she will lock the gym door telekenetically and burn your ass alive.)

My first reaction was "Come on! There's no need to redo this movie at all." After a little digging however, my fears and trepidations have been slightly alleviated. The director will be Kimberly Pierce, who helmed the 1999 film Boys Don't Cry that won Hillary Swank an Oscar. Pierce is no stranger to harsh brutal subject matter, as anyone who's ever seen Boys Don't Cry can attest. Carrie is a multi-layered work of fiction that examines the social dimensions of high school, the taboos of sexual maturity, and the psychologically engrossing relationship between Carrie and her mother. In an age where high school bullying has been a hot button issue, Carrie's subject matter is just as relevant today as it was 36 years ago. The fact that the director is also a woman will bring an interesting perspective to the movie too.

As for the will play the titular lead, it looks like the role will be going to 15 year old actress Chloe Moretz. "Deadline" reports that the studio has extended a formal offer to Moretz, who according to her Twitter account, calls the opportunity "the chance of a lifetime." With movies like Hugo, 500 Days of Summer, and Kick-Ass under her belt, the teenage actress continues to rack up quite the pedigree. Additionally, she's experienced when it comes to the horror genre. Moretz played a child vampire in the 2010 film Let Me In.

There's no release date as of yet and the film is still in pre-production. Moretz can be seen in Tim Burton's next film Dark Shadows due out in May.

*I once drove six hours to Connecticut for a book signing by Stephen King. They were supposed to give out 200 tickets when the store opened at 5am. They gave out a 175 the night before to get the people to go home. I was number 202. Eight years later I'm still pissed.

**There was actually a sequel to Carrie in 1999 called Carrie 2: The Rage. It. Was. AWFUL.

Why has there been no Ted Williams biopic???

For whatever reason every year when the opening day for MLB approaches (or begins if you are currently a Seattle Mariner or Oakland A) I always get to thinking about classic baseball films: Eight Men Out, Field of Dreams, Pride of the Yankees, Major League, and my personal favorite The Natural. Baseball as a past time has often been fodder for great cinema whether it's scandal (Eight Men Out), humor (Major League), the deep personal bond of baseball (Field of Dreams), or a visionary who wants to change the way teams are made (Moneyball).

As I was driving home from work tonight I suddenly thought: "Why has there never been any definitive biopic made about Boston Red Sox great Ted Williams?" There have already been baseball biopics about Babe Ruth and Ty Cobb. With such recent real life films like J. Edgar or The Social Network, it stands to reason that a movie should be made about the Splendid Splinter. After all we are talking not only about one of the five most impactful players on the game of baseball, but in my estimation the greatest hitter that ever lived. (Being a die hard Yankee fan that takes a lot for me to admit. I'll probably have my Bronx Bombers card revoked but like the ubiquitous umpire once said "I calls 'em like I sees 'em").

Williams' baseball prowess speaks for itself. He's the last person to hit .400 for a season and had a lifetime batting average of .344. He won the triple crown twice; significant because there hasn't been anyone who's done it once in 45 years. The last was Carl Yastremski in 1967--also a Boston Red Sox. He was also a 19 time all-star and a two time MVP and even had a successful, albeit short, managing career. Teddy Ballgame's rivalry with Joe Dimaggio and the Yankees was legendary. There's also the fact that he hit terribly in his only World Series and that he refused to ever tip his cap again after the Red Sox fans booed him early in his career. Furthermore, Williams was also a tough hard nosed left fielder, often cantankerous and ornery with the media. His pride and strive for perfection was unparalleled. Williams actually told the Red Sox owner that he wanted to take a pay cut for his final season in 1960 because he underperformed in 1959, even though the owner didn't want to cut his salary and offered him the same contract.

All of the aforementioned baseball aspects make for a potentially epic baseball biopic. But I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the things outside of baseball that made Ted Williams' life so interesting. The San Diego native grew up during the Great Depression with parents (especially his mother) who were often absent. He fought as a bomber pilot in both WWII and Korea. Williams married three times, his third wife being a former Miss Vermont and Vogue model. Teddy Baseball's brother and son John-Henry both died of leukemia. Aside from being an incredible baseball player he was also an expert sport fisherman and was inducted into the IGFA Fishing Hall of Fame.

Even after his death the intrigue continued. Despite the fact that his will clearly stated his wish to be cremated, both John-Henry and his daughter Claudia chose to have his remains frozen cryonically. This prompted a long and bitter lawsuit by his eldest daughter Bobby-Jo Ferrell. It was very public and the talk of the media for many months.

I have to say if Ted Williams' life doesn't make for cinema gold I don't know what does. It's mind boggling to me that a movie hasn't been made about his life. Whether this has something to do with the Williams estate or nobody championing the project I have no idea. Even in an age where Hollywood execs think the latest "Eddie Murphy Fatsuit Movie" and "More Crap starring Adam Sandler" are the epitome of movie magic, I'm not cynical enough to believe that people in Hollywood wouldn't think Ted Williams' life would make for a great movie.

The obvious question is who would play Ted Williams in the film. I could already see Clint Eastwood being cast as the older Williams but what about between the ages of 20 to say 50? Tom Hardy could definitely carry off the Williams personality but I don't think he looks the part. Jeremy Renner might be a good choice. He certainly has the acting chops but he might not be athletic enough for the role. Boston natives Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are too high profile and Christian Bale is too British. I think the only answer may be to go with a relative unknown. That way there is no added pressure and no adverse reactions to the casting, ala Michael Keaton with Batman.

Either way, if Hollywood ever gets around to making a Ted Williams biopic I'll be one of the first in line.

It's kind of a big deal--Anchorman 2 gets the greenlight

Well like the stench of Sex Panther, the persistent rumors of an Anchorman sequel just wouldn't go away. Rejoice fans of the 2004 classic and feel the deep burn of victory!

Although Will Ferrell said just a month ago that Anchorman 2 was deader than the guy Brick killed with a trident*, his alter ego showed up the other night on the Conan O'Brian show and played a different tune

Dressed in full Ron Burgundy regalia and smelling of rich mahogany, Ferrell/Burgundy played jazz flute and announced that Anchorman 2 has been green lit. Leave it to Ferrell to go big with the announcements. Now whether this is legitimate or faker than Mr. Burgundy's mustache remains to be seen.

While some of you may be screaming "WHAMMY!" at this point in celebration, you may want to dial things down a bit before you get invited to the pants party. I hate to be the Wes Mantooth of the bunch and urinate in everyone's Cheerios, but I think an Anchorman sequel is an awful idea. The first film was a quotable, iconic comedy classic. In fact it's kind of like this generation's Caddyshack. As a fan of the original, I don't want Anchorman 2 to be Caddyshack 2. I wish this film had stayed in development hell but the people of SAN DEE-AH-GO and the world have spoken.

No word yet on when Anchorman 2: A Whale's Vagina will be released.

*Ferrell also announced last month that the script for Step Brother's 2 was completed.

Hunger Games puts an arrow through the competition!

I'm pretty sure Lionsgate suspected The Hunger Games was going to have an exorbitant opening weekend--just not this big.

In just three days The Hunger Games raked in $155 million. That is the third highest total behind only Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 and The Dark Knight.* Needless to say it is also the largest opening ever for a March film, destroying the previous record of $21.5 million held by Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2. I guess the death, explotation, and torture of innocent children plays well. Just joking.

All kidding aside this is a coup not only for the franchise but for Lionsgate as a production company. Furthermore, I think it is a giant step forward for strong female characters in films, so suck on it sparkly vampires and brooding pining pasty white girls!

Look out for the inevitable merchandising that's about to explode from this franchise and just like Stallone after Rocky, Jennifer Lawrence's movie life is never going to be the same. This is one of those roles that propels someone into a twenty year career. Maybe not so much for Josh Hutcherson but hey you never know. (I'd reference Taylor Lautner here but to do so would be an insult to Hutcherson's acting ability which is far superior to Lautner's.)

With the recent success of the first film people are already clamouring about the next.** I'm here to tell you that the release date for Catching Fire is set for November 22, 2013, and that the rumors that the final book will be split into two is correct. I will stipulate that I wouldn't be surprised if Lionsgate moved the release date to sometime in the summer however, as this has "summer blockbuster" written all over it. As for the splitting of the final book Mockingjay into two movies, I don't really believe it's necessary like with the last Harry Potter book. Producers and movie execs will ostensibly say that is because "there are so many plot details that we just don't want to leave anything out." That may be a nice side benefit but let's be real, why make $300 million domestically on one film when you can make $600 million on two? That's not cynical. It's realistic.

Personally I don't care whether or not they split the final film into two as long as they do the other films justice like they did with The Hunger Games. And as long as they have Stanley Tucci again with just as much crazy hair and teeth as the first film.

*If The Hunger Games made this much money in 3 days, how much will The Dark Knight Rises make I wonder?

**I've decided not to go into the accusations of racism in The Hunger Games that are starting to filter through various media outlets. To do so I think lends credence to highly illogical, ill thought out, and sensationalist arguments. Rest assured however that if it gets really bad I will address it--with extreme prejudice.

War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength, and a new version of George Orwell's 1984 is in the works

With the dystopian novel The Hunger Games now a film and about to rock the box office this weekend, movie studios are moving forward with a new version of the king of dystopian novels, George Orwell's classic 1984.

According to "The Hollywood Reporter" Ron Howard and Brian Grazer's production company Imagine Entertainment are looking to "develop a new take on the 20th century classic."

The novel has previously been adapted into film twice, most recently in (surprise!) 1984. 1984 was directed by Michael Radford, starred John Hurt and Richard Burton*, and received tepid reviews.

For those of you who haven't read the novel (FYI-those who haven't need to NOW) the novel is set in post-atomic war London and centers around protagonist Winston Smith, a government bureaucrat who rewrites history and erases people from existence. Disgusted with the totalitarian state, Winston beings a secret journal and a torrid love affair in defiance of the government's oppression.

I think 1984** would be a fantastic film to remake. The source material is as relevant today as it was sixty plus years ago and I could really see Ron Howard doing justice to this movie. Who could you see playing the main role? God let it not be Robert Pattinson.

*1984 was actually Richard Burton's last onscreen film.

**How about remaking Aldous Huxley's# Brave New World too?

#Huxley died on November 22, 1963 the same day as John F. Kennedy and fellow writer C.S. Lewis. Weird.

"Oh you have bad day? DID YOU DIE??! Well cheer up! More 300 and Hangover on the way!

Well you can't call Warner Bros. timid. The movie company just checked raised every other movie studio with some announcements for next year's summer lineup.

First off The Hangover Part III has been officially greenlit and will be released on May 24, 2013. Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, and Bradley Cooper are back (with a reported $15 million a piece...whoo!) as is director Todd Phillips. Initial reports have it that the third film will not be in the vein of the first two. That's quite a relief considering the second film, while it had its moments, was just a rehash of the first movie but set in a different country. The rumor is that the film will involve breaking Alan (Galifianakis) out of a mental institution. We'll see how that goes.

The second announcement is that 300: Battle of Artemesia will premiere August 2, 2013. The prequel to director Zack Snyder's 2007 surprise hit will star Eva Green and Rodrigo Santoro and be directed by Noam Murro. Personally I think this is a completely unnecessary sequel. The original 300* was fantastic and I see no need to tarnish the legacy by making this film. However, if Eva Green gets naked I may shell out some money.

*THIS IS SPARTA!!!!! Sorry I just had to get that out.

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will be--aliens??? NOOOO!!!

When I recently heard that Hollywood was remaking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles I was strangely excited. The 1989 film was always a childhood favorite of mine.

Leave it to director/producer Michael Bay to blow things up.

In a recent press release producer Michael Bay said the new incarnation of the fearsome foursome would be aliens. Really aliens? Why not just turn them into vampires and have done with it? I can't believe that Bay has enough creative control in Hollywood that he would make the TMNT aliens. Why doesn't he just go back to what he does best--making terrible movies where things blow up.

Despite "Turtle-Gate" (that's no joke by the way, people in the movie world are literally calling it that) TMNT director Jonathan Liebesman did clear up a few things in a press junket for Wrath of the Titans. Liebesman reiterated that the canisters that turn the turtles into mutants contains ooze that is alien. Truth be told that actually is part of the original TMNT mythology. Liebesman says that the movie's creative "expansion will be true to the mythology."

Speaking of mythology, Liebesman went on to say that Kevin Eastman, the original creator of the TMNT comic books, will be an integral part of the movie process. That actually is a smart move in the right direction as the original comic books were not only fantastic but very dark and edgy.

As to whether the turtles* will be motion capture, Liebesman only stated that he loved how Rise of the Planet of the Apes was done.

While Liebesman's statements put my mind to rest a little, I'm still worried about how much creative control Michael Bay will have over this project. I'm half expecting him to turn Splinter into a racist robot and cast Ben Affleck as The Shredder, but I guess time will tell.

*The real burning question is will Corey Feldman return to voice Donatello?

Review: The Hunger Games

Plot: Based on the best selling novel by author Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games is set in a dystopian future, where the wreckage of what once was North America is now the totalitarian state of Panem. The country was once divided into thirteen districts, until an uprising by district 13 started a violent and bitter war. District 13 was eventually defeated--but at a deadly cost. In order to prevent future rebellions from ever occurring, Panem created The Hunger Games, a yearly pageantry of survival where two "tributes" (a boy and a girl) between the ages of 12 and 18 from each district are selected to participate. The 24 children are thrown into a manufactured arena created by Gamemaster Seneca Crane (Wes Bentley) and forced to fight to the death--while the whole world watches.

When heroine Katniss Everdeen's (Jennifer Lawrence) twelve year old sister Primrose is selected at "The Reaping," Katniss volunteers in her place. Joining her from district 12 is Peeta Mellark (Josh Hutcherson) a boy intricately connected to Katniss's past. To win, Katniss must maximize the hunting and survival skills attained from her best friend Gale Hawthorne (Liam Hemsworth). But can Katniss or Peeta survive The Hunger Games while facing other tributes trained for the games, handling a drunken mentor in Haymitch Abernathy (Woody Harrelson), and battling a dictatorial President Snow (Donald Sutherland) bent on crushing all hope?

Review: After having to endure the unmitigated disaster that has been the Twilight series over the last couple years, to say I had reservations about another popular young adult series being made into a movie was a massive understatement. However, in an effort to keep an open mind I decided to sit down and actually read the novels. I finished all three books inside a week and my expectations for the upcoming film soared higher than Whitney Houston on a Saturday night. (Too soon?)

As I sat down at the midnight show amidst the scores of Hunger Games fans all decked out in the regalia of the Capitol, it occurred to me: this thing is just as big as Twilight--maybe bigger. But would the film live up to the hype?

It is extremely satisfying to write that The Hunger Games surpassed my wildest expectations. Screenwriters Gary Ross, Billy Ray, and Suzanne Collins did a fantastic job translating Collins's work from page to screen. The adaptation is seamless with few changes, and remains faithfully loyal to the novel. With such amazing source material how could you not?

Ross not only co-wrote the screenplay but directed the film as well. The man who brought the world Seabiscuit and Pleasantville, did a masterful job bringing the world of Panem to life. Whether it was the lush forests of District 12 or the glitz and glamour of the Capitol, where wild fashion and excess rules the day, Ross delivered. Moreover, Ross highlights the differences between the other poor districts and the conspicuous consumption of the Capitol. It demonstrates a subtle but distinct class warfare analogy that manages to be relatable to modern times while not becoming overly preachy. In addition, it provides excellent social commentary on our modern day society where we subject ourselves to hours of horrific "reality" television. Similar to Stephen King's novel The Running Man and the subsequent 1987 movie, The Hunger Games is reality television taken to the nth degree. The fact that given the right circumstances The Hunger Games could be not only possible but probable is a terrifying thought.

In The Hunger Games Ross crafts a fluid tale with perfect pacing. Despite its almost 2 1/2 hour run time, the film rarely drags. Much like Lord of the Rings where director Peter Jackson blended actions scenes with real heartfelt emotional moments, Ross does the same here. Ross makes the initial race off the platform into the arena harrowing, while simultaneously making the death of a minor character heart wrenching.

While the cinematography of Tom Stern helped bring the world of The Hunger Games to life, the camera shots of fight scenes were choppy and often disorienting. It reminded me of The Blair Witch Project which almost made me nauseous. Hopefully that will improve in the next film. Stern's sometimes shoddy camerawork was made up for by T-Bone Burnett and James Newton Howard's score. I know the phrase "hauntingly beautiful" gets thrown around a lot but I can't think of a more appropriate phrase, even if it is a cliche. In many ways it reflects the world of The Hunger Games which is hauntingly beautiful.

The Hunger Games however could not succeed if not for the brilliant casting job by Lionsgate. Josh Hutcherson succeeds as the emotionally torn Peeta Mellark who wants show Panem that "they don't own me." Woody Harrelson also succeeds as the drunken former Hunger Games winner Haymitch who despite outward appearances, does care about Katniss and Peeta's survival. My only complaint is that I don't think Harrelson captured just how much of a drunk the Haymitch from the novel was. (A minor point but hey that's the critic in me.) Liam Hemsworth nailed the character of Gale albeit in a small role. It will be interesting to see how his character progresses in the upcoming films Catching Fire and Mockingjay.

I'd also be remiss if I didn't mention the scene stealing performances of Elizabeth Banks as Effie Trinket, the dolled up image conscious Capitol escort, and Stanley Tucci as talk show host and Hunger Games commentator Caesar Flickerman. Both actors perfectly captured the venal and self-involved nature of the capital. Donald Sutherland was equally strong as the cold hearted and ruthless President Snow. Like Gale it will be interesting to see how his character progresses in the subsequent sequels.

Despite all of these amazing performances, The Hunger Games would never have succeeded without the fantastic lead performance of Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen. When initially cast many fans questioned how the buxom blond could pull of the lithe, dark haired forest girl that fires arrows like Robin Hood. A mark of a great actor is someone who transforms themselves wholeheartedly into a character despite arguments to the contrary. Lawrence did all this and more. The Academy Award nominee (Winter's Bone) displayed gritty strength and determination but also managed to show Katniss's vulnerable side. Katniss is someone who will do anything for her family or friends, someone who fights for what is good and just in this world.

If The Hunger Games is the anti-Twilight, then Katniss Everdeen is the anti-Bella Swan. Rather than a lame damsel in distress who measures her level of self-worth through other men, Katniss is a strong confident young woman and an excellent role model for young girls. Although it is early in 2012, I wouldn't be surprised if Lawrence snagged another Oscar nomination and certainly Ross, Collins, and Ray deserve consideration for Best Adapted Screenplay.

The Hunger Games is a dynamic and wholly engrossing film that succeeds on almost every level and is easily one of the best films so far this year.

My rating: 9/10

Paul Walker and Genesis Rodriguez set to star in Hurrican Katrina film

I don't know what's more surprising, that there is going to be a Hurricane Katrina* film or that Paul Walker is starring in a film that does not have the words "fast" and "furious" in the title.

The thriller Hours will see Paul Walker (The Fast and the Furious, Varsity Blues) starring as a father trying to keep his newborn daughter alive in a hospital ravaged by Hurricane Katrina.

According to "Digital Spy," joining Mr. Walker will be eye candy Genesis Rodriguez who was recently seen in Man on a Ledge and co-stars in Arnold Schwarzenegger's upcoming post-governator return to the big screen, The Last Stand.

Hours begins filming this month in Louisiana.

*Too soon for a Hurricane Katrina film?

"Zorro Reborn" film circling a possible director

I have to admit that as much as I'm a fan of the adventure movie genre, Zorro never appealed to me. Maybe it was because he seemed like such a derivative of Robin Hood.

In any case Zorro Reborn, a reboot of the franchise (Can you really call it a franchise if there were only two movies starring Antonio Banderas. Unless you count the old black and white films I guess) has been searching for a director for some time. According to "Variety" the studio may have found the perfect fit to helm the masked man's story. Fox is apparently interested in director Ricardo du Montreuil. For those not familiar with his work, Montreuil directed 2008's Mancora, which took home the Sundance Film Festival's award for World Drama Category.

The role of Zorro has already been cast. Gael Garcia Bernal (Y Tu Mama Tambien) will play the titular Mexican hero.

Another hot chick for the Necronomicon to kill in The Evil Dead remake

Faster than you can say "Boomstick" The Evil Dead remake is reeling in the cast members. According to the "Hollywood Reporter," Jessica Lucas joins a cast already consisting of Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, and Lou Taylor Pucci. Her character's name will be Hot Chick who shows her boobs and then gets killed by the Book of the Dead. Or maybe it's Kimberly. I can't remember. In any case I think the former name probably fits the character description.

We also have some interesting bit of news on the plot. Apparently the premise will be five friends who retreat to a cabin in the woods so one of them can undergo drug withdrawal. Tragically they find the Book of the Dead and well...things go awry. It's a bit of a departure from the original where five friends went to a cabin in the woods on vacation and found the Book of the Dead.

I still don't necessarily feel that remaking The Evil Dead is a good idea, especially with no Ash character. However unlike Alex Maidy over at joblo.com, I don't think it will be "Twilight with demons."

Jane Levy says the new film will be scarier than the original and tone down the laughs. That's a little disappointing considering the first film was a fantastic mix of terror and comedy. But at least they aren't trying to remake the film entirely.

I don't think anyone, including director Fede Alvarez would be able to capture the spirit of the original.

The Evil Dead remake comes out next year.

Stallone says Rambo will whup Mexican ass in next film....maybe

In a recent interview with Canadian magazine Macleans, the Italian Stallion himself Sylvester Stallone discussed his initial feud with Arnold Schwarzengegger, Quentin Tarantino calling him a coward*, and his overall career. In addition, Sly also discussed the possibility of a fifth Rambo film.

According to Frank Stallone's brother, he's "dying" to do a fifth Rambo and that this one is set on the Arizona/Mexico border. Apparently the script will involve him going into Mexico for an as yet undetermined reason. In a decidedly un-PC move, Stallone also said "I don't think Rambo likes Mexicans." Guh? Seems kind of an odd statement to say considering that Rambo in previous films has been the champion of the disenfranchised. My thought is that maybe Rambo will be going after Mexican drug runners. I doubt very highly that it will be random refugees crossing the border. Also in a major spoiler when asked if Rambo would die in the fifth film, Sly responded in the positive.

Personally I think the idea of killing Rambo is a fantastic idea. It needs to be a spectacular death though. Something like blowing himself up to save innocent people.

Stallone's Expendables 2 hits theaters this August and his other film Bullet to the Head kicks off later this fall. Stallone and Arnie begin shooting The Tomb in about a month and then hopefully the next Rambo starts by the end of the year.

*Tarantino called Stallone a coward because in the book Rambo actually dies at the end. Stallone felt that with almost 200,000 suicides from returning Vietnam vets why not bring him to the edge of destruction and then save him. Plus it helped with sequels.

NO WAY DUDE! Script for Bill and Ted 3 is done!

The bodacious duo from San Dimas High School are that much closer to returning to the big screen. Both Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves, stars of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey,* both informed the public through different mediums of the status of the third film this past week.

Although an initial script was completed last April, the latest edition is presumably the final draft. In an interview with "The Independent" Keanu "Ted" Reeves revealed, "Yeah we have a script. We're trying to put it together. It's a good one too." An extremely in depth, candid, and verbose statement from Mr. Reeves.

Alex "Bill" Winter also chimed in via Twitter, tweeting that the script is done, he loves it, and they are currently trying to get a green light. Hey if The Human Centipede 3 can get a green light hopefully this movie can.

Little is known about the film other than it involves the duo writing a song that saves the world. Hopefully Abraham Lincoln, time travel, and Death will also be involved.** No time table right now on when the movie will start filming but hopefully the studio gives this baby the go ahead sooner rather than later.

*I saw Bill and Ted's Bogus journey almost 21 years ago in the theater with my cousins. God do I feel old.

**It's too bad the late George Carlin won't be involved with this project. It's just not going to feel the same without Rufus.

More Ass to Mouth! Human Centipede 3 gets a greenlight

Yeah that's right I worked in a Clerks 2 reference in the post's title.



In keeping with the tradition that everything must be a trilogy now, the heavily derided/scrutinized/banned series of films The Human Centipede is getting a third, and presumably final incarnation.
Writer/director Tom Six confirmed with "Entertainment Weekly" that there will be a third film. The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence begins shooting in May and June with a target release date of 2013. Six also confirmed that Dieter Laser from the first film and Laurence R. Harvey from the second film will be returning. Furthermore, Six states that the film will "make the last one look like a Disney film" and that it will be "100% politically incorrect." Considering the fact that the last film was originally banned in the UK for the extreme graphic nature of the film, I'm not entirely sure how that is possible.
For those of you not familiar with the films, the first movie revolves around a demented doctor who kidnaps three people and sews the anus and mouth of each person together in sequence in order to create one long gastric tract. The second film involves a "fan" who is obsessed with the doctor's exploits and kidnaps ten people to replicate the same "experiment."
Listen I'm the last person to judge anything, God knows I've made enough mistakes in my life. But can someone please explain the appeal of these movies to me? I'm just at a loss as to how anyone would find this interesting or that the premise could encompass an entire 90 minute film. Don't get me wrong I'm not necessarily against this film. I thought Saw was one of the most original horror films in the last two decades, and many consider it to be torture-porn horror.
But to each his own.
Don't expect Meryl Streep to attach herself to this project anytime soon, but if she does I'm sure she will receive her 18th Academy Award nomination.

*I will admit that South Park's take off on The Human Centipede, where the late Steve Jobs created the Human Centipad (a take off on the iPad) was pretty funny.

Robocop Reboot snags it's lead guy

Reboots! Reboots! Get ya' reboots here! Hollywood is out of ideas! Gets ya reboots here!

Sigh.

I know that's an overreaction. There are still plenty of original ideas in Hollywood it just seems sometimes like the reboots get the most notoriety. But I'd be derelict in my duty if I didn't report the progress on one of the more significant reboots in recent memory--1987's Robocop.

According to "Deadline" director Jose Padilla finally has his new Murphy/Robocop in the guise of actor Joel Kinnaman. Kinnaman is a relative unknown, with his primary claim to fame being on the television show "The Killing." Kinnaman will also make his big screen debut later this year as Lancelot in director Dave Dobkin's Arthur and Lancelot.

Despite the fact that I deem a Robocop reboot unnecessary, if they are going to reboot the franchise they might as well cast a relative unknown. At least in this instance there is no extraneous amount of hype like there would be if say, Hugh Jackman took the role. Any high profile actor probably would have doomed the project to failure, so I applaud the studio for going this route. From an economic standpoint it also keeps the budget down.

The Robocop reboot starts shooting later this year.

The Lost Mullet Returns--"The Lost Symbol" gets a new writer

Some novels, as good as they are don't translate well to the big screen. I thought Dan Brown's novels Angels & Demons and The Da Vinci Code were fantastic books and very poorly executed films. Despite the fact that both films had Academy Award winners Tom Hanks and Ron Howard behind them, the movies fell flat at the box-office and with critics. Not surprisingly, Howard has since backed out of directing the third novel that features the adventures of Robert Langdon, 2009's The Lost Symbol*. However, Tom Hanks and his wooden performance and bad haircut are on board for the third movie which recently lost writer Akiva Goldsman.

Well faster than you can say "Papal Ban" Deadline reports a new writer has already swooped in and filled Goldsman's position. It's none other than Danny Strong who's best known for...wait for it...a co-starring role on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer television show. Granted Goldsman wrote both the previous films, which did not pan out well so I can understand the desire for a change. At the same time, Goldsman is an Academy Award winning screenwriter, so to say this is a major downgrade is like saying Mr. Burns from The Simpsons is fiscally conservative. Both are massive understatements. How can the studio possibly think that a guy who co-starred opposite Sarah Michelle Gellar on a WB television show can save this script let alone this movie?

If Tom Hanks has any sense he should cut and run now.

*In case you're wondering "The Lost Symbol" is exclusively set in the United States and deals with the secret society of the Freemasons.

Indiana Jones and the Unused Script--Frank Darabont's Anyways

In 2008 George Lucas and Steven Spielberg unleashed Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull on the world with, to put it mildly, mixed results. Often lost in the vehement diatribes about the ills of nuked fridges and CGI monkeys, is how long it took to develop the fourth film in the first place, mostly because of George Lucas. Several people took a hack at the script including M. Night Shylaman, but the one most people often buzzed about was director Frank Darabont's (The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile) entitled Indiana Jones and the City of the Gods. Darabont delivered a script in October 2003 that he worked on for over a year, a script that Ford and Spielberg loved and that dovetailed nicely into the release of the Indiana Jones DVDs. Unfortunately Lucas didn't like the script and shot it down.

Author David Hughes just came out with a new book called Tales from Development Hell and touched on Darabont's script. At this point I'd like you the reader to head to this website: http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/features/tales-from-development-hell-frank-darabonts-indiana-jones-and-the-city-of-the-gods.php?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+FilmSchoolRejects+%28Film+School+Rejects%29&utm_content=Google+Reader and read the actual description. It's only about a page so it won't take too long. Once you've done that come back to my blog and I'll give you my thoughts.

Done? Ready? Ok.

After reading this information my emotions are decidedly mixed. For one I think there are many elements of Darabont's script that I like--the plutonium aspect, the heightened Cold War issues, Indy's Dad and Salah being in the film, as well as the friend who betrays him being a Russian. The Marion Ravenwood character feels a little more like Marion Ravenwood too. Additionally, even though there is still an alien angle to the movie, it seems a little easier to swallow then Skull with all the psychic rigmarole.

Having said that, I'm sad to see that Darabont was the one that came up with the "Nuke the 'fridge" idea. I'm sorry that I ever thought George Lucas came up with that concept. (I don't forgive him for keeping it in the last movie however.) The fact that Darabont actually confronted Lucas and told him that he was a stubborn SOB makes up for the scene a little though. Even more infuriating however is that Lucas flat out rejected this script and then pulled a lot of the same concepts, and in some instances specific scenes, right out of Darabont's script and put them into Skull. If I'm Darabont I'm spitting nails because essentially Skull is a bastardization of his original screenplay.

Leaving the "nuke the fridge" aspect aside it seems to me that not only did Darabont have a better title for the fourth Indy film but a much superior script as well. I'd like to think that in some alternative universe this film was actually made but sadly in this one it was not be.*

*I'm hoping in that universe that Hayden Christiansen was never cast as Anakin Skywalker, Jar Jar Binks died in the first reel of Episode I, and that Saddam Hussein never came to power.

Maverick closer to flying again: Top Gun 2 script gets a complete re-write

1986's Top Gun was the quintessential 1980s homoerotic*--er--buddy action film. I remember being 8 watching it on my Uncle Gil's VCR. For the next few months all I could think about was being Maverick when I grew up and flying jets. Sadly I cannot see the Great Wall of China if it's two feet in front of me without my contacts, so my dream of being a fighter pilot was not to be.

I've been hearing about a sequel to Top Gun for over a year now and hoping it would simply crash and burn. Alas I think that hope is becoming less likely than resurrecting Iceman's (Val Kilmer's) career.

According to the "Hollywood Reporter" the studio has been less than thrilled with the current script. Rather than doing the smart thing and scrapping the project altogether, the studio has hired The Town co-writer Peter Craig to completely rewrite the script. While I absolutely loved The Town, completely re-writing a script is never a good thing. Fortunately, it should be some time before we hear anything more about this sequel, so that gives the project plenty of time to run out of fuel.

And just in case you were wondering, yes Tom Cruise is fully on board with this and is reportedly very anxious to resume his role as Maverick.

*You've gotta admit that the beach volleyball scene was about as laden with homosexual undertones as you can get. Do you really need to do an exaggerated flex to check your watch?

Kiwi Director gets distributor for Memphis Documentary

Although Peter Jackson is best known for splatter films, King Kong, and some trilogy regarding a magic ring that I think almost nobody saw,* one of his pet projects over the last few years has been a documentary about the "West Memphis Three."

For those of you who don't know about the "West Memphis Three" they are Damien Echols, Jason Baldwin, and Jessie Misskelly, three men wrongfully accused of killing three boys in Arkansas and sent to prison in 1993. All three were released from prison in August of last year.*

Peter Jackson and his partner Fran Walsh produced the film and Amy Berg directed. The movie first debuted earlier this year at the Sundance Film Festival and now Sony Classics Pictures has picked up the distributing rights.

At this point Sony hasn't unveiled a release date but my guess will probably be late this year since this has Oscar written all over it.

*That was a joke.

**Director Joe Berlinger also chronicled the Memphis Three's plight in his Paradise Lost trilogy. The exposure the three's story received led to overwhelming support from celebrities like Johnny Depp and Eddie Vedder. That coupled with a strong internet campaign was incredibly influential in Echols, Baldwin, and Misskelly's release. Never underestimate the power of movies to change the world.

99 Virgins are probably not attending the premiere of Kathryn Bigelow's next movie

Hollywood and Academy Award winning director Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker) have been kicking around an Osama bin Laden film for over a year now. Just before the film received a green light however, Seal Team Six stepped in and gave Osama a one way express ticket to visit Allah and the project was put on hold. Well after a Daytona 500-like delay the project is finally moving forward.

According to the "Hollywood Reporter" Bigelow's Bin Laden project (as yet untitled) has just begun shooting in New Delhi, India and already has a release date of December 19, 2012.* Unlike the previous incarnation, this film will focus almost completely on Seal Team Six and the operation to take out Bin Laden. The script is penned by fellow The Hurt Locker collaborator Mark Boal who also won an Academy Award for the same film. Joel Edgerton** (Warrior) and recent Academy Award nominee for The Help Jessica Chastain both have starring roles, although at this time no one knows exactly what those roles are.

So lets see:

Academy Award winning director--check.

Academy Award winning screen writer--check.

Two solid up and coming actors--check.

Compelling source material--DOUBLE check.

Sounds to me like the makings of a solid film. The film and the worldwide critical reaction ought to be very interesting.

*Obviously the film is being released in late December because of Oscar considerations. However, isn't it odd that this film is a week before Christmas? "Hey kids do you want to go see Jingle all the Way or a movie about a horrible person who gets shot in the head?" Although to be fair actually watching Jingle all the Way is the cinematic equivalent of getting shot in the head.

**Fun fact: Edgerton actually played the young version of Luke Skywalker's Uncle Owen Lars in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones and Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.

Face melting in hi-def--Indiana Jones movies to be released on Blu-Ray this fall

Halalejiah! At long long last the complete Indiana Jones movie collection is going to be released on Blu-Ray later this year. Indy fans have been eagerly anticipating the Blu-Ray release for over two years but of course George Lucas wanted to make sure things were just right. Thankfully that does not include adding extra scenes, Jar Jar Binks, replacing Willie Scott with Emma Stone, or turning the giant boulder in Raiders of the Lost Ark into a giant chocolate Milk Dud.

The set will include all four films and tons of documentaries, interviews, featurettes, and according to Paramount "a few surprises." (Whatever that means) There's no official street release date* yet but it should be coming out soon. My thought is probably October.

*Ironically I found out about this when this morning I woke up to an email from Amazon saying it was available for pre-order. They know me too well.