Review: Total Recall

Plot:  Based loosely on the 1966 Philip K. Dick short story "We Can Remember It For You Wholesale," 2012's Total Recall is also a reboot of the 1990 Schwarzenegger classic.  The story follows Douglas Quaid (Colin Farrell) a disenchanted late 21st century factory worker who feels dissatisfied with his life.  Believing that something is missing from his daily existence, Doug travels to Rekall, a company specializing in giving people its customers fake memories that seem like the real thing.  However when the implantation process goes horribly awry, Doug suddenly finds himself fleeing from people trying to kill him including his wife Lori (Kate Beckinsale) and Chancellor Vilos Cohaagen (Bryan Cranston).  Only the mysterious Melina (Jessica Biel) may hold the key to unlocking Quaid's memories and destroying a corrupt and tyrannical Earth government.

Review:  For better or for worse, reboots are here to stay.  Call it nostalgia,  call it lack of original ideas, or even call it a quick cash grab; the fact is that film reboots/remakes/reimaginings will continue to flourish as long as people clamour for them.
     With the recent reboot of Total Recall I don't expect the clamouring to cease, but I certainly hope it will die down a little.
     The producers of this film obviously got the title wrong.  This film should have been called Total Disaster rather than Total Recall.  Rarely have I seen an action/science fiction film (and I use those words in the loosest sense possible) be this monumentally bad.  At one point I actually fell asleep in the theater.  Considering science fiction films are right in my wheelhouse, that last sentence speaks volumes.  In Total Recall, director Len Wiseman creates a dystopian future blander and more uninteresting than a week old rice cake.  Aside from the first fifteen minutes or so this film only knows one pace: fast and out of control.  Wiseman relies more on spectacle than substance and character development is severely lacking.  Furthermore, the film is shot in a shoddy gray pastiche that aims for Blade Runner, misses, and lands squarely on Charlie Brown with a rain cloud over his head.  Pathetic.
     Kurt Wimmer and Mark Bomback's script also leaves much to be desired.  Most of the characters are more transparent than a Katy Perry dress and have just as much substance as one of the pop singer's songs.  The three boobed chick from the 1990 version had more depth than the entire cast combined.  It's as if Wimmer and Bomback expected explosions, CGI, and set design to gloss over the shoddy dialogue and lack of scene tension.  The script possesses none of the charm or nuance of Jon Povill's 1990 script.  Wimmer and Bomback also made the "brilliant" decision not to involve Mars in the script.  Instead they replace the Mars aspect with a story that revolves around a world elevator that travels through the center of the Earth.  The elevator serves as a symbol of repression by the upper class elite over the severely underpaid workers.  Of course there is a Resistance movement, but the plot is about as compelling as watching my cat chase his tail.  Wait I take that back.  That's an insult to my cat.
     If you're looking for hard core science fiction action you'll find it in abundance in this version of Total Recall.  I have to admit that the CGI and special effects were quite good and Harry Gregson-Williams' score reflected Total Recall's fast paced action. 
      I wish I could say the same for the acting.  While Colin Farrell was decent in this film he's definitely no Arnie.  Farrell comes across as more brooding and introspective than Arnie ever was in the original.  It put me off.  Unfortunately, Farrell's performance, as mediocre as it was, was the acting highlight of this film.  To say that Kate Beckinsale only received this role because she's married to the director is an insult to nepotism.  Too bad her solid fight scenes couldn't make her into a believable villain.  Speaking of villains Bryan Cranston's (who by the way I think is an amazing actor) role as Cohaagen is absolutely abysmal.  There's none of the sleaze or ruthlessness that actor Ronnie Cox brought to the role twenty two years ago.  Cox's performance is so far and above Cranston's rendition that the 2012 version of Cohaagen looks like "Phineas and Ferb's" Doctor Doofenschmirtz by comparison.  And Jessica Biel?  Let's just say that if her performances continue like this, she's shortly only going to be referred to as Mrs. Justin Timberlake.
     At the end of the day the 2012 version of Total Recall is nothing but a total disappointment.

My rating:  2/10
My rating for the 1990 version:  9/10